One is the Loneliest Number (2/2)
by Master YoGurt
Summary: Mace and Obi-Wan share their grief for a fallen friend and lover


Title: One is the Loneliest Number (2/2)  
Author: Master Yo-Gurt  
  
  
Silence enveloped the two men until Obi-Wan at last put Qui-Gon's hand back onto his Master's chest and moved next to Mace, joining him in his silent contemplation of the darkening sky.  
  
"It'll soon be nightfall," Mace started. "They will light the fire and send him home at last ... You know, Obi-Wan, I had lost Qui-Gon as mine before our last night. I ..." He stopped, as if again to find the right words to convey his feelings.  
  
"For the first time, I had to say no to him. No, Qui-Gon -- you will not train that child, and when I saw his eyes that moment ... we left each other in anger. It is something I will never forgive myself for." Mace wrapped his cloak around himself and sat down onto a bench lining the small window.  
  
He looked up at Obi-Wan who had kept his eyes on the setting Naboo sun, not quite sure what to say in response. At last Obi-Wan glanced back at the man sitting on the bench and Mace patted the seat next to him, indicating Obi-Wan should sit down as well. The young man hesitated but eventually accepted the Councillor's offer, taking his seat on the bench.  
  
How much they were alike, in this room -- two men trying to cope with their grief for their friend. And even though Mace had known life with Qui-Gon in a different way than Obi-Wan, in their grief and their regrets for missed opportunities they were not so dissimilar after all.  
A sudden thought crossed the Jedi Master's mind.  
  
"He is still *inside* me, you know, Obi-Wan ... In my mind I can still *feel* him, how he held me that last time, how he touched me. I know how Qui-Gon felt for you, and I am ... I am offering my 'impressions' of him, to you, Obi-Wan. I know it cannot, will not, be the same as if he himself would touch you, but I can show you how much you meant to him ... he gave this to me and I am sure he would have wished for you to know. Please, Obi-Wan, let me show you Qui-Gon the way I knew him!"  
  
Redemption -- for his last 'No' to his lover, for all the harsh words by him to the renegade Qui-Gon had been? Mace wasn't sure why this sudden wish to share something so intimate with someone he never was particularly close to had come over him, but somehow he felt at peace with this. Qui-Gon would have wanted this, and it was important for the Padawan to understand before he could become a Knight.  
  
"Please, Obi-Wan ... let me show you!" Slowly his hand reached out to touch Obi-Wan's chin.  
  
"Qui-Gon loved you ... oh so much." Mace's fingers gently brushed over Obi-Wan's cheeks and he nodded for the younger Jedi to follow suit.  
  
"Master, what you want to give me does not belong to anyone but you. I cannot do this. Qui-Gon would..."   
  
As the young man tried to protest further, Mace put a finger gently over Obi-Wan's lips and held the Padawan's eyes with his. "Qui-Gon gave this to me, but he would have given the same to you, with all his heart, I know that. I have accepted that. I cannot change his death, or undo my past decisions about him, but I know he would have wanted you to know this!" Obi-Wan considered for a short moment and then took Mace's hands, his thumbs gently brushing over the Councillor's palms.  
  
"I know what you're trying to do; you mean well. I ... I will permit it ... and am honoured, Master Windu. And maybe if I show you what I wanted to give ... Qui-Gon, perhaps ..." Answering Master Windu's invitation, Obi-Wan finally relaxed and put aside his lingering anxieties to concentrate on the man before him.  
  
As both men sat on the little bench, Obi-Wan grudgingly acknowledged the little irrational voice that began to chime into his mind; perhaps Qui-Gon would feel this, see this, be here -- somehow. Their eyes were closed, hands each holding the other's, when they both entered into a state of trance, opening their minds to the other's presence. As if in a dream Obi-Wan felt himself drawn into a world that was not his own: he saw fields of bluish flowers and the Mountains of Gardas -- the planet Mace Windu was born on and spend the first year of his life.   
  
He ran with young Mace through the Temple halls and there he was -- his Qui-Gon, a boy maybe 15 years of age; long legs and arms but strong for his age ... laughter, brawling ... he felt the cold of snow on his hands as he, or rather Mace, dug himself out of that snow prison on Rala. And then he felt the gentle brush of fingers over his hair, his cheek, a mouth parting his and offering sweet pleasure for a moment of surrender. Obi-Wan felt his sides being caressed with gentleness and love and an almost electric current ran through his whole body as he himself reached out and drew a face near to him -- the face of his Master as he kissed him. Held him, and Obi-Wan felt the warm embrace of strong arms around himself, rocking him gently back and forth, his robe beginning to soak up the moisture of tears he felt pooling onto it, a head leaning heavily against his shoulder. Instinctively Obi-Wan's arms circled around the warmth leaning so close to him.  
  
//Qui-Gon, Master ... I love you, I do miss you.//  
  
//My Obi-Wan ... Mace, my Lenapei ... love you ... // It was as if his Master had answered and yet how could this be?  
  
//Qui-Gon ... I miss you, Lenapei, oh my Lenapei! Forgive me, please, my forever Lenapei //   
  
Somehow Mace's voice came through to Obi-Wan loud and clear -- whom was he talking about? And then Obi-Wan knew -- Lenapei was a term of endearment in Haral, the language spoken on Mace's home planet. "One who gives" its literal translation -- love, shelter, uncompromising trust ... *everything*.  
  
//Lenapei ... my forever Lenapei!// Now from both and Obi-Wan felt the sorrow Qui-Gon had felt when he told Mace about his impending break with him. But also his Master's happiness about the promise of joy at the hands of his Padawan.  
  
//Master, why ... never a word? So much I wanted to show you ...// And once again he felt a tingle as sweet as morning dew on his skin, fingers mapping his body in elaborate ways, knowing the intimate touch necessary to render a lover helpless in their caresses. The taste of salt, of musk was on Obi-Wan's tongue as he somehow laved his Master's fingers in his mouth, nibbling and savouring them as Mace had done when Qui-Gon had driven him on in their play ... giving himself over to the sensations he experienced together with Mace now. His lips were still moist from a tender kiss as he was being held in the arms of the man next to him, whose tears had spilled onto Obi-Wan's robe -- and suddenly Obi-Wan managed to let go of any hesitation left in him. He surrendered to the memories which now were his as well, sharing and letting himself reciprocate, searching Mace's mouth to return in kind the love he now felt. Just as Mace had experienced the love given to him by Qui-Gon.   
  
*****************************   
  
It was almost night and the candles in the courtyard that would serve as stage for the Burning were already lit when Mace and Obi-Wan finally found their way back to the moment. It was Obi-Wan who spoke first, still shaking a bit by what he had just experienced.  
  
"Master, I understand ... I know what you meant." For what had seemed like an eternity they both had been in Qui-Gon's presence again and, after a while longer, a comforting peace and feeling of rightness began to envelop them both.  
  
Leaning back and loosening the embrace, Mace reached up with his hand and dried the tears out of his eyes, looking a little bit shaken himself. "Obi-Wan , I'm sorry if I did anything inappro--" This time it was Obi-Wan preventing any further words from Mace with one of his fingers to his companion's lips.  
  
"No ... no, you haven't, you have *not* done anything to feel ashamed for!" Obi-Wan repeated, squeezing the older man's hand reassuringly. He searched Mace's dark eyes, tears still giving them a brilliance he had only seen once before -- in Qui-Gon. "And ... it's all right, I don't know how to thank you! I am glad now my Master had a man like you to love and care for. And I know I will be with him eventually, it will only be a matter of time now." He smiled and was about to stand up, but Mace held on to his hand.  
  
"I will say my goodbye to Qui-Gon now -- I would welcome if you would stay and ... share this last honour with me." As Mace stood up he took Obi-Wan with him and both men approached the platform where Qui-Gon's body lay.  
When Mace knelt down at the head of the bier bearing his late lover, Obi-Wan followed suit. Together they sang a song of guidance for the soul to find its way to the Force. It was an old song, having been sung by many generations of Jedi before them and which translated into Republic Standard roughly like this:  
  
Speak well of us --  
As we speak well of Thee --  
Traveller between our Worlds.  
May Passage be granted to Thee  
And with joy we watch Thou leavest  
To a new Life with the Ones  
Who went Before, and who come After.  
Speak of us to Them  
As we will speak of Thee with love.  
We will not mourn  
But gladly we shall await   
The Day of our own Joining --   
With friends and lovers,  
Enemies and foes.  
When all will be One and none Alone.  
Go, find Peace and Love  
With those who loved Thee and still do.  
We have Spoken well of Thee,   
That the Force may take Thee Home.  
  
  
As they sang both men knew life without Qui-Gon would be different, painful at first, but in the end what they had shared with one another would remain and bind them together - the love both of them had been shown by Qui-Gon Jinn.   
Yes - sing and tell Qui-Gon's tale they would, each in his own way. Obi-Wan had felt his Master's love and knew his affection had been returned in kind. He would tell his own Padawan about his Master: about Qui-Gon's lessons, his kindness and the unquestioning love and compassion he had given to so many.   
Mace Windu would tell the world about Qui-Gon as well, about the love and devotion he had experienced at the hands of this man he had loved so well. But more important - he had at last made a final break with his lover and had let go, had given to the next generation what had been, and always *would be*, his, beyond death.  
  
A wistful smile lightened Mace's face. They both would see Qui-Gon again, on their day of Joining when he would greet them with open arms and soul. All that and more!   
  
Standing up slowly, Mace patted off the dust of the floor from his knees and straightened his robe as he watched the young man do the same. The Master smiled at him before he gently placed his hand on Obi-Wan 's arm.  
  
"So the Force wills it, you will have someone to sing this song to you. When you will leave us and join the Force. May it be one of your own Padawans who will do you this honour one day."  
  
"A Padawan? I'm not a Knight yet," Obi-Wan pointed out but was only met by a knowing smile from Mace.  
  
"You will be, by this time tomorrow. I do not think the Council will object. And yes, Obi-Wan, I know. Qui's last request. The Council isn't in favour of training Anakin, but ... I think it may be possible for me to convince them otherwise. And I know how important Qui-Gon's last request is for you ... for both of us. Anakin is a danger, to us all, but even more so if he is NOT trained. As your Master liked to point out, a person's purpose in this life is not always apparent, so I think we should be patient."  
  
The young man couldn't help but smile a bit -- it was something Qui-Gon always had tried to impart on his young Padawan on more than just one occasion. //So much like my Master ...// Obi-Wan thought.  
  
Aloud he said, "Yes, I suppose that will be the best. And Master ... I thank you again for what you have given me tonight. I know Qui-Gon would have approved!" Mace squeezed Obi-Wan's shoulder as he turned towards the small door leading outside, watching as the first of his colleagues from the Council's delegation arrived for the Burning.  
  
"It is time, Obi-Wan. Let us bring Qui-Gon for his last journey."   
  
"Yes, Master!"   
  
And together they escorted Qui-Gon's on his final way home.  
  
  
  
The End  
  
(Any comments are greatly apprechiated, on list or off at quigon_jinn21@hotmail.com)  
  
  
  
  
  
  
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